Ah, over a month. I suck.
I was just cleaning out my personal email... more than 250 forwarded pieces of crap. And the only reason I was doing that was because I had to pay my effing student loan online, a site that I can somehow ONLY seem to access through a link found inside a "reminder, reminder: you suck and your payment is late" email that my loansharks sent to me forever ago. And before this, I was rifling through bills, trying to figure out who gets paid first and who will just have to keep trying.
I can't stay organized, I DEFINITELY can't seem to get ahead, clothes are everywhere, the floor needs vacuuming, I continually make bad decisions, my hair looks as if it hasn't seen the inside of a salon since 1997, I'm halfway through a gazillion books and can't seem to finish any of them and it's already almost July and I am nowhere near any better of a person or closer to my life plan than I was six months ago. I can't even seem to get it together long enough to write a fucking blog post once in awhile, even though that's one of the only things that makes me truly feel like I won't explode.
Bottom line, I'm one big messy mess and I don't know why. I see mothers and friends and caretakers and kindred spirits swirling around me, managing to both save the world and get their oil changed on time. Meanwhile, I'm barely making it to the gas station on fumes.
WTF??? I have no reason, no excuse. When do I become the Grown Up Woman who has it all together and can also make a mean homemade lasagna to boot? The lady who sparkles and shines and cleans and cooks and excels at her job and always looks fab. Because all I really want to do right now is sit on one of those huge red rubber balls with the handles and bounce my way through Toys R' Us.
Adulthood be damned.
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7 comments:
awwwwww honey...
we all have these moments in our lives. The key, I think, to get out of funks (this is advice. write it down) is to do things that build your confidence AND to stop doing things that destroy it. Like, for example: don't start any news books because the reality is that you're not going to finish it and all it does is bring you down when you don't finish it. Fix your hair, like force yourself to. Do a workout video, as STUPID as that sounds, ity seriously helps to feel good about yourself.
i meant new books not news books, sorry.
Awww...LPB... you made my morning. :)
If you learn the lasagna thing, you will learn there's nothing else that really matters.
Oh honey, I think you need a hug and a drink.
Remember what our dear Anne Lamott said “You celebrate with works and you take tender care of what doesn’t, with lotion, polish, and kindness.”
Well, it's been a month since your FA has even checked your blog...that's how organized I am! Seriously though, I find that the more pressure I'm under, the more things get done. Give me a week to accomplish something that takes 5 minutes and it won't get done. Give me 5 minutes to do something that takes a week, and it gets done. An annoying quirk, but things get done (at their own pace). Just step over your clothes and blow around the dust. Get the important things accomplished like feeding the cats and remembering your aunt. Love you the most FN!
"I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish humble tasks as though they are great and noble. The world is moved along, not only by the mighty shoves of its heroes, but also by the aggregate of the tiny pushes of each honest worker". – Helen Keller
xxoo FA
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